Disturbed by the Disturbance

If you want to write, you have to be willing to be disturbed.  Kate Green

This quote catches my eye as I begin to write today.  Collecting quotes, words, snippets provides a hook as thoughts begin to surface.  I fish anywhere for clues to the creative process as  a part of my daily explorative routine.  I wonder – How disturbed is disturbed?

The external forces that disturb me can be quite disturbing as acceptance that some things are simply out of my control numbs me.  The internal churn is a constant quest for meaning, a question to an answer when I’m not exactly sure what is truly is.  The melding process of the answer/question is where I channel my creative output on those days when the churning overflow simply must be put somewhere.

The act of creation can often disturb on several levels.  The quest to loosen some inner splinter that nags and refuses to dislodge from an embedded recess often ends in unchecked festering.  I stumbled across Linda Leonard’s comparison that an artist and an alcoholic are kindred spirits as creativity and addiction hold similar traits. It is in the darkness that the artist and the alcoholic often find ourselves.   One of us emerges fairly whole with a new enlightenment while the other becomes mired and eventually will not re-emerge.  Our time out of mind  is a place where more doors are closed than opened as moving shadows loom in the failing light.

If only we did not allow ourselves to enter here.  But we do. Again and again.   Our obsessions rule.   Others do not understand.  We explain less and less.  Obsession with the process is both our savior and our un-doneness.  The process becomes the disturbance.  Sink or swim.  We are in and the fact that we are often over our heads is of little importance.

For now, I take solace in the fact that I am anchored to my chair.  I sit and write now.  Later, in the solace of my handwritten journal, I will look further into the disturbance and resolve the turbulences that annoys me.

What is it that you write about?  I wonder how many of “you” are out there, the creatives and the addicts.  Writing.  Seeking light.  In all this daily darkness.

Wholeness Is a Matter of Perspective 

photo by n taylor collins (c)2017

 

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